7/30/11

Days Sober: 43

Stress Level: 1

Functioning: 10

Hi. My name is Jody. I am an alcoholic/addict.

"The world we see that seems so insane is the result of a belief system that is not working.

To Perceive the world differently we must be willing to change or belief system.

Let the past slip away, expand our sense of now and dissolve the fear in our minds" ~ William James

Today is a beautifully wonderful day. I am experiencing the gifts that a sober existence has to offer and am grateful for having true feelings. Today I feel loved, I feel appreciated and I feel accepted for who I am.... 

Just for today my thoughts will be on my recovery, living and enjoying life without the use of drugs...(Just for Today - AA)

Today I began working the 1st Step of AA/NA:

"I admitted that I am powerless over my addiction, that my life had become unmanageable"

Question to myself: Can I control my use of any form of mind and/or mood altering chemicals? (Alcohol/Drugs)

• No I cannot - I have tried. I am powerless (using against my will). I am unable to stop using
• I need to discontinue justifying my use.
• I need to recognize my physical, mental and spiritual pain.

 Symptions of my addiction:

*Denial *Guilt/Shame *Loss of Control *Substitution *Embarrassment

*Rationalization *Dereliction *Justification *Degradation *Distrust of Other/Self *Isolation

My disease is progressive, incurable and fatal. I am not morally deficient. I have a disease.

I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR MY RECOVERY.

Ways in the past I have tried to use sheer willpower to stop using:

*Sex/Lovers *Lied *Isolated *Rationalized *Avoidance

I need to let go of my resentments and doubts for they are robbing me of my benefits of my recovery. I need to be willing to ask for and accept help. Remind myself that if I can't control my addiction I can't control my life. 

Characteristics of my addiction:

1. Flaky - Unreliable
2. People question my honesty
3. Questionable morals and values
4. Making bad choices and decisions
5. Inability to control my actions
6. Unemployable
7. Self-destructive
8. Cause myself and others to be disappointed

I have a choice today - I can choose to live in my recovery or die in my addiction. I need to accept my addiction and my life and let go of my doubt and fears. It is not where I was that counts it is where I am going.

Today I am grateful for the sunshine, my sobriety, my sober support system, my AA family, the ability to smile and spell check - :)