7/29/2011

Days Sober:  42


Stress Level:  3 (0=No Stress - 10=Deadly Stress)


Functioning Level: 5 (0=Can't get out of Bed - 10=Unstoppable)


Hi My Name is Jody.  I am an addict/alcoholic!!!!


Admitting I was an alcoholic and drug addict was not an easy thing to own up to.  Having a drug and alcohol problem isn't something I asked for or ever wanted.  For some people it happens over time for others the first time they use they are lost to the disease.  I am an over time victim.  If I am to be completely honest (A program requirement) then I must admit that I have known for a very long time that my drinking was out of control and unmanageable.  I told myself that I could control it, that I don't drink everyday - that all drinkers blackout.  The truth is when you have the disease of alcoholism you have a "gene" in your body that reacts to alcohol and drugs differently than those who don't have the disease.  We are told in sobriety that one drink is too many and thousand is never enough.  Same is true for drug addicts.  You can't just take one drink or just one hit. Unfortunately we are incapable of "managing" our own lives and for the drug addict and/or alcoholic we have a tendency to not only inflict pain on ourselves but also anyone who loves and cares about us. 


I entered a treatment facility on June 17, 2011.  I stayed for 30-days.  The program was intense.  I went in thinking how is thirty days enough to undue forty years of using and abusing alcohol and drugs???  Believe me when I say it was enough to give me the ground work I needed to begin the process of recovery. I am now in "Intensive Outpatient" Treatment (IOP). I go to classes for 4-weeks on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays from 6-9 pm.  As part of the program I am required to attend at least 2 AA/NA per week (AA=Alcoholic Anonymous/NA=Narcotics Anonomyous).  Once this phase of my treatment ends I will be required to go once a week for 60-days. 


I want to thank all the people in treatment who were essential in my recovery.  The staff and patients were instrumental to my recovery and I will never forget them.  I want to acknowledge my family and friends who are supporting me in my recovery.  I am lucky that I have the support I do.  I love you all!!! 


Today I am in recovery and actively seeking the humility I need in order to live an active and honest recovery.  This path is not easy.  Often things I have done in the past while in my addiction come back to me and dealing with this is difficult.  I have alot of guilt and shame.  I have alot of denial.  I still have addictive behaviors but am learning to recognize them.  Recovery behaviors sometime come easy and sometimes don't come to me at all.  It is always a learning and growing process.


Today I am grateful for so many things.  My sobriety. My family and friends. I am grateful for the air I breathe and waking up.  I am grateful to my higher power for never giving up on me.  I am grateful for my serentity.


Today I am grateful.